burn out on life

i wish i had a magic wand and could wave it around and make life and everyone in it peaceful, loving, and joyful. but the truth is i cannot, we face lots of obstacles everyday. and it gets heavy carryiing around what feels like the weight of the world, in fact it is this very reason that i decided i was not going to lay in. my own self loathing and started doing something about it. i found myself in a place where i wanted to learn how to let others in and love me, but the truth is i had no idea how to let others love me because i did not know how to be loved.

in steps in my course on how to find self compassion. if we want to give something we must first learn to receive it, so i started writing things down that i was doing to help myself cultivate a new mindset. little did i know that part of my “issues” were burn out from life. i was so tired of carrying all of this heavy weight, having to make every decision by myself, having to be both protector/provider, and nurturer, having to keep everyone on schedule and keep a household moving. despite feeling like giving up i decided it was time for a change. i needed love in my life and i needed it fast, well the divine universe made it abundantly clear it started with me. I needed to learn how to love myself and give myself the compassion i so desperately desired.

it started with doing something i have wanted to do for a very very very long time and that was getting certified to teach yoga where i learned to “cultivate the opposite.” I had no real idea what this meant until years later when i took a course on loving your body no matter the size and it hit me. i had to first find the thought that needed to be “opposite”, learn to neutralize it, and then how to nourish it into a loving kind thought. I spent the better part of a year just trying to dig deep into these thoughts by going down a rabbit hole following each emotion as it came up to the source so I could fully grasp the why behind the “i hate myself.”